Ignorance is Chris; And His Statue!

'''The final eleven contestants face in a challenge that requires building Chris' statue. One contestant annoys her team, which leads another contestant to rally for her elimination. That contestant is eliminated.'''



Plot
"Last time on Total Drama: Battle of the Sexes, the teams had to go on a scavenger hunt. During this hunt, they had to face their fears. Some rose up to the challenge. Others... not so much. In the end the girls won their third challenge in a row! Romulus held a secret meeting and everyone agreed to eliminate Dutch, even though it was Huck who cost his team the challenge. What will happen tonight? Find out on Total Drama: Battle of the Sexes!"

It was early in the morning.

All of the contestants were asleep.

Well, almost all of them.

"I heard you had a monumental hand in the elimination of Dutch." Rosalie said. "Very Impressive."

"It was nothing." Romulus smirked.

Both teens were standing on the outskirts of the forest.

"So who are we targeting next?" Rosalie asked.

"Relax, my commrade." Romulus said, "Let's try not to rush into things. We'll see what happens and from there we'll decide."

'''Rosalie Confessional: Romulus is very brilliant. His one flaw is that he doesn't plan things out until the last minute. We should remove all of the threats first, but he doesn't seem to comprehend.'''

Rosalie nodded.

"I think we should keep a fair distance, to avoid suspicion." Romulus said.

Rosalie nodded and walked to her team's shelter.

Romulus waited a few minutes and walked to his.

"And then they just dump their stuff into the river!" Cherry shouted, venting to Alexis and Feline.

Both girls were completely uninterested.

"Wow. That's terrible." Feline yawned.

"I know! And the worst part is that they don't even care! They don't care that they're polluting the environment!" Cherry cried.

"Oh dear." Rosalie said, making a conflicted face and walking to her bed.

"Rosalie, just in time!" Cherry said, "We're talking about how we are ruining the environment!"

"Oh that's great, Cherry! But I think I hear Jennifer and Rose calling my name so I have-" Rosalie began.

At that moment, Jennifer and Rose came in giggling.

"There you are girls!" Cherry began.

"Oh! Um, we have to go swimming!" Jennifer said.

"Bye!" Rose called as the two of them ran out.

"Wait for me!" Rosalie called, getting up and prancing after them.

"I'll go too!" Alexis said.

"Lex, wait up!" Feline said, following Alexis out the door.

"Okay! We can chat later!" Cherry said, waving.

"So..." Josiah said to Corey, "When are you going to ask out Rose?"

"Huh?" Corey asked.

"You and Rose are in a flirtmance, man. You have to ask her out soon!" Titus informed.

"No, no! I don't like Rose like that, we're just friends." Corey began.

"Sure..." Josiah said, laughing.

"I believe ya, Cor." Romulus said, patting Corey on the back.

"Thank you, Romulus." Corey sighed.

"Have you noticed how well we're all getting along now that Dutch isn't here?" Josiah asked.

"Yeah, I noticed that. It's funny, really." Romulus said. "We're all buds, now."

'''Romulus Confessional: Have I mentioned that I hate all of them? Because I do. Some more then others. But they all aggravate me.'''

"Duck!" Huck shouted, running in.

All four boys crouched down, expecting something to come flying at them.

"What was that about?" Josiah asked.

"Quack!" Was the noise that came from under Huck's shirt.

"Huck... what is that?" Corey asked.

"It's the duck!" Huck said, lifting up his tank-top.

A small duck sat in Huck's hands.

"What are you doing with a duck?" Josiah asked.

"Dude. It's a duck! What can't I do with it?!" Huck asked.

"Don't tell me you're going to carry that thing during the entire challenge." Romulus said.

"Why not?" Huck asked.

"There are a lot of reason why not, but let's start with the first one-" Titus began.

"Teams! Please meet me on the other side of the island! And hurry!" Chris announced over the intercom, "If you're over thirty minutes late, you all have to wear a fifty pound anklet for the entirety of the challenge!"

At that moment, all the contestants began to run to the other side of the island, some screaming, others waving their arms in the air.

Twenty-five minutes later, Alexis, Feline, Titus, Corey, Jennifer, and Romulus arrived.

"What- the heck, Chris. You can't m-make us run that... I can't breathe." Alexis huffed.

"That was too far..." Feline agreed.

Behind them, Rose and Josiah came running in.

Josiah looked tuckered out, but Rose looked as if she took a walk in the park.

"H-how are you not tired?" Josiah asked.

Rose looked at Josiah and shrugged, "I guess I paced it."

"It was a three mile run!" Titus breathed.

"Was it?" Rose asked.

'''Rose Confessional: It's not my fault that I do everything perfectly. It's really a burden!'''

Behind them, Rosalie and Huck came running in.

Huck fell to the ground, holding up the Duck in one hand.

"Huck! Let the duck go!" Corey breathed.

The last one to run in was Cherry.

"This is ridiculous." Cherry breathed.

"Congrats! You all got here in under thirty minutes!" Chris laughed.

"Thank god." Feline heaved.

"But I've decided to still make you were the anklets!" Chris laughed.

"What?! Why?" Alexis asked.

"Because it's more fun." Chris said, matter-of-factly.

Two interns came in carrying a big box.

"Strap them on!" Chris laughed.

The contestants grumbled as their put on their anklets.

Corey strapped them on and tried to take a step, ultimately falling over.

"This isn't going to make anything easier." Corey cried.

"Great! Now it's challenge time!" Chris laughed.

"I thought that was the challenge!" Jennifer asked.

"Nope!" Chris said, "I just love torturing you guys!"

"We can tell." Titus spat.

"Anyways, here the dealio! We all know how much I love-" Chris began.

"Money?" Feline suggested.

"Fame?" Josiah asked.

"Hair gel?" Cherry pondered.

"Seeing teens cry?" Romulus asked.

"Yes, yes, yes, and yes. But that's not what I was talking about. We all know how much I love myself! So I've decided to have a competition revolving around me! It's a two-parter so be ready to bring it!" Chris said, "We start off on those eleven poles straight in the middle of the water."

The contestants looked at the ocean, and eleven poles were indeed in the middle of the water.

"You guys have to hold onto those for as long as you can! Whichever team has the least amount of people fall off in two hours wins an advantage in part two! What is part two, you ask? It's kind of like the puzzle challenge from Season Five! You must look in the water and on the beach! Except, instead of looking for buildings, you'll be looking for parts of my body! Whichever teams builds the Chris Statue first wins!"

"What do we get when we win?" Rosalie asked.

"Pride?" Chris said, "I dunno. I ran out of prizes. But the losers have to send someone home!"

Both teams grumbled.

"What are you waiting for? Shimmy up those poles!" Chris barked.

'''Jennifer Confessional: I think of myself to be a kind, sweet person. I like almost everyone! But Chris seriously creases me.'''

Ten minutes later, all the contestants were hanging onto the poles.

"I have one hundred extra pounds, this so isn't fair!" Corey said.

"You want to know what else isn't fair?" Cherry called, "Plastics!"

"Excuse me?" Rose asked, confused.

"Plastics!" Cherry said, "You know that you can't burn them, because they release a deadly gas! So you know what the recycling plants do? They chop them up and turn them into park benches! Yeah, park benches! They never degrade! They can be there forever- same with Styrofoam!"

Alexis rolled her eyes.

"And don't even get me started on Tupperware! That stuff will be on our planet for a hundred years!" Cherry began.

"Okay, no! I'm out!" Titus said, dropping.

"Titus!" Josiah snapped.

"That girl is talking way too much! It's torture!" Titus said, as he sank to the bottom of the ocean.

Luckily for him, that was only a few feet.

"Can I just say that I really need a coffee right now." Cherry said, rubbing her head.

"Ew. Coffee is gross." Rosalie said.

"Excuse me?" Cherry asked, "Have you tried coffee?"

"Well, no. But the whole smell is disgusting-" Rosalie began.

"You cannot bash coffee without tasting it, that's wrong. You know that coffee can do so much for you and your immune system." Cherry began.

Feline Confessional: I seriously feel that Cherry makes up most of these facts as she goes along.

'''Alexis Confessional: Look, it was okay when she would talk about her causes once or maybe twice a week. But lately it's been all day, every day. It's getting to be tiring.'''

"-And also, it helps keep you focused and alert and-" Cherry said.

Before she could stop, Rosalie dropped from the pole, falling into the water.

"So they're both tied and we're only fifteen minutes in!" Chris laughed.

"Seriously?" Rosalie asked.

"There is no way that was fifteen minutes. It felt like thirty at the least." Titus agreed.

"Maybe if Ms. Yakitty-Yak would stop talking..." Rosalie sighed.

Titus rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed and dragged himself onto the shore.

An hour in, and only two more people dropped.

Romulus and Alexis.

"Come on guys, you can do it!" Alexis cheered.

"Thanks!" Josiah called.

"I wasn't talking about the guys, I meant like- Oh, nevermind." Alexis sighed.

"The girls are in the lead! It looks like they're getting the advantage!" Chris said.

"Isn't it lovely up here? You can see the whole island- Is that Guam back there?" Rose asked.

"No, I think it's Hawaii!" Corey said, "But yeah. It sure is beautiful."

Rose took a deep breath. "If I win the prize money, I want to take a tour of the world."

"That'd be fun!" Corey said.

Rose laughed.

A few poles over, Huck was scouting the area, his duck on the top of the pole.

"It's okay, Mr. Plume-Butt! We're winning this thing!" Huck shouted.

"Huck? Why did you name that thing? You're only going to get attached to it." Jennifer pointed out.

"Yeah, that's true! But he's my buddy! He has to have a name!" Huck said.

Jennifer sighed and shrugged.

At that point, the weight became too much and Jennifer fell into the water, flailing her arms about.

"AGH!" She screamed.

"Jen!" Josiah called.

"I'm fine!" Jennifer called, surfacing from the water.

"Both teams have three members on the poles! Corey, Huck, Cherry, Rose, Feline, and Josiah!" Chris announced.

"We know who's up here, you don't have to narrate that part!" Feline called down.

Chris rolled his eyes.

Forty minutes later, the contestants were still going on strong.

"This is easy." Josiah said, as he began to slide down the pole.

Huck hugged the pole, smiling up at -Butt.

Mr. Plume-Butt looked around, oblivious.

He then flew off.

Huck leaned back to try to catch him.

"Wait!" Huck called.

As he leaned back, he lost his balance and fell.

"Huck!" Corey called.

Huck somehow turned and achieved the worst belly-flop in history.

"Oh god! Are you okay?" Rose called down.

A fist came out of the water, flashing a thumbs up.

"Okay, sorry." Cherry said, "I'm done."

She jumped off the pole and into the water.

"That's just great!" Feline called down.

"At least we're tied up again!" Josiah cheered.

"That's good for you guys." Feline spat.

Josiah laughed.

"I am not letting go of this pole." Feline declared.

"If you do, then we'll lose!" Rosalie pointed out, "We're only ten minutes away!"

Feline rolled her eyes.

"You better not drop either, guys!" Titus shouted up.

"No problem-o!" Corey yelled down.

Five minutes passed and no dropped.

Then the worst occurred.

Feline scratched her nose.

When she let go, her other hand, being clammy, lost it's grip.

Feline went sliding down the pole and fell off.

The buzzer went off.

"The guys win the advantage! You guys can come off now!" Chris shouted up.

Rose, Josiah, and Corey let go of their poles.

'''Feline Confessional: Okay, so I let go. What? It doesn't matter anyways-'''

"- I mean, we almost always win when we don't win the first part of the challenge." Feline pointed out.

"You'd better be right." Rosalie said.

"Guys, since you won, you get these goggles to see underwater, and these shovels!" Chris said, "Girls, looks like you'll have to use your eyes and your hands to get through this challenge!"

"Yay! Shovels!" Huck laughed.

"And also- Guys! You can take the anklets off!" Chris said.

"Oh yeah!" Josiah cheered.

"What?! So not cool!" Alexis sighed.

The guys happily took their anklets off.

"Girls, you'll have to lug one hundred pounds of extra weight, which will make you go really slow!" Chris laughed, "I just love my job!"

Rosalie and Cherry glared at Feline.

"What?" Feline asked.

"Ready? Set? Go!" Chris shouted.

The two teams gathered up into huddles.

"What should we do?" Josiah asked.

"I think we should have a few of us looking in the water, while the rest of us look on land." Romulus said.

"Good thinking!" Titus said.

"I'll go into the water!" Josiah said.

"I'll go with him." Titus said.

"Me and Mr. Plume-Butt will stay on land!" Huck said, clutching his duck.

Titus rolled his eyes.

"So Cherry, you can look in the water with Jennifer and Rose. I'll look on land with Alexis and Rosalie." Feline said.

"Thanks." Jennifer said through her teeth.

"We need to find these parts as fast we can, people!" Feline commanded, "Let's go!"

The girls separated at once.

The three girls searched in the ocean in silence.

"What would they even feel like?" Rose asked.

"Like giant stone." Cherry said, plainly.

Titus stuck his head underwater, looking around.

There he came face to face with a blow-fish.

"The blow-fish looked at Titus.

The blow-fish looked at Titus before blowing up like a balloon.

Titus fell backwards on his butt, sitting on a sea urchin.

He screamed at the top of his lungs.

Titus stood up.

The sea urchin went up with him.

"AGH!" He cried, grabbing it.

That only made the situation worse, as it was now giving his hand excruciating pain.

"Just yank it out!" Romulus called.

Titus ripped the sea urchin from his butt-cheek and attempted to throw it.

"Ah! It's stuck!" Titus cried.

"I found one!" Rosalie cheered from on shore.

"Where do we put it?" Jennifer asked.

At that moment, three interns came in, rolling two platforms onto the beach.

One pink, one blue.

"Go!" Feline shouted.

Rosalie ran to the platform, putting the statue part on it.

She ran back and continued to dig.

"Hurry up, dude! We don't have time for this!" Josiah shouted.

"Owwwww!" Titus screamed.

"I got one!" Huck cheered, "You go Mr. Plume-Butt!"

Huck grabbed it and ran to the blue platform, slapping it down.

He ran back to the beach, looking around.

"Twenty minutes later and Titus has been removed from the challenge!" Chris said, "Now the guys are scrambling to find the remaining statue pieces!"

"I found one!" Feline called.

"Yay!" Rosalie clapped.

"The girls now have three pieces while the boys have two!" Chris announced.

"Hurry up, guys!" Romulus commanded.

"We're trying!" Josiah said, looking around in the water.

"Try harder!" Romulus slipped out, "I mean, take your time!"

'''Romulus Confessional: That was close. I could have exposed myself.'''

"On it, chief!" Corey said, "I'll help Josiah in the water!"

Corey ran into the water and put on the goggles, looking around.

"I hope we can pull this off." Romulus said to himself.

He continued digging with his shovel, until he hit something.

"Agh!" He cheered.

He lifted up some sand and there was another piece of the Chris statue.

"The guys now have three!" Chris said.

Romulus ran to his team's platform.

"How long does it take to find statue pieces?" Feline asked, impatient.

"We'd find them faster if we had shovels!" Rosalie snapped.

"This shouldn't be that hard, but I can't find a thing!" Rose called.

"Seriously! How deep. Did Chris. Bury. These. Things?!" She asked, picking up piles of sand.

There she saw two pieces.

"I found two, you guys! I found two!" Alexis called.

Rose ran over.

"That looks like Chris' head! And that's his torso!" Rose called.

"So now we have the torso, head, two arms, and a leg! We just need two hands and a leg and we're done!" Feline cheered.

"Yay!" Cherry laughed.

"Toats great!" Jennifer cooed.

Cherry snapped around.

"Toats?" Cherry asked, in disbelief. "Are you kidding me? That's completely mainstream. Now I see why you suck."

Jennifer was taken a back.

'''Jennifer Confessional: Um... where did that even come from?!'''

Cherry Confessional: Anyone who is mainstream immediately goes down a few points in my point.

"You know anything affected by mainstream is completely terrible, right? All of my favorite bands taken by the mainstream became one hundred percent less cool." Cherry barked.

"Agh! Stop, already!" Jennifer said, covering her ears.

Five minutes later, the guys had found three more pieces and the girls had found none.

"Head, torso, two arms, two legs! We just need two hands and we're done!" Josiah cheered.

"We can do this, guys!" Romulus cheered.

"Huck and I will start building!" Corey said, dragging Huck to the platform.

"Come on you guys, hurry up!" Feline cried.

"The beach is huge, how are we supposed to navigate, sugar?!" Rosalie asked, digging.

"This sand is getting under my nails." Alexis cried.

"I can't find a thi-" Rose began, "Wait! A leg, a leg! I found a leg!"

Rose unearthed the leg and tossed it at Feline.

"Great! Get working on those hands girls! I'll start to put it together!" Feline said.

"We can still win this, yet!" Jennifer cheered.

Cherry sneered at Jennifer.

Jennifer rolled her eyes.

"It's a race for hands!" Chris announced.

Rose moved locations and began to dig for more hands.

Alexis continued to dig, finding nothing of value.

Jennifer stood off to the side, covering her ears as Cherry lectured her.

Rosalie continued to dig.

"I found one!"

Both teams turned to see Alexis and Josiah wrestling for a hand.

"It's mine!" Alexis shouted.

"As if! Just give it back!" Josiah shouted.

"No way!" Alexis called back.

"Give me!" Josiah cried.

"No! It's mine! Let go!" Alexis called.

Josiah pulled as hard as he could and took the hand.

"Yes!" Josiah cheered, falling backwards and into the ocean.

Alexis huffed.

Josiah threw the hand and Corey caught it, adding to the statue.

"I found it!" Rosalie cheered, running to Feline.

She tripped and fell, because of the combination of the long dress and fifty pound weights.

Rosalie gave up and tossed the hand to Feline.

Feline grabbed it and put it delicately on the Chris statue.

"Yes!" Feline laughed.

She turned around to see that Huck had just attached the last hand on their Chris statue.

"NO!" Feline cried.

"The guys win!" Chris laughed.

The girls grumbled.

The guys cheered.

"Are you kidding me?" Cherry asked, "See! This is what we get for polluting the environment, we lose challenges!"

Her team groaned and rolled their eyes.

After the challenge, Rosalie and Romulus were at their usual meeting point, outside the forest.

"So. Who are we going to get out of the game?" Rosalie asked, in a hushed whisper.

"I'm going to trust you to make the decision." Romulus said, "We are a team after all. Whatever choice you make is fine by me."

Romulus Confessional: Unless she makes the wrong one.

Rosalie nodded, and walked back to the girls shelter.

Once she entered, she was greeted by Jennifer, Rose, and Alexis.

"Just in time." Rose called.

"We were just deciding on who we should send home." Jennifer said in a hushed voice.

"It's either between Feline or Cherry." Alexis continued, "And I think it should be Cherry."

"But Feline lost us the challenge." Jennifer pointed out.

This was Rosalie's time to make up her mind.

Her kind nature would surely help her manipulate her teammates.

She had to make the decision now: Feline or Cherry?

Or maybe she could hold a secret meeting afterwards and eliminate a bigger threat.

Perhaps Rose?

Later that night, the six girls were sitting around the bonfire.

"Girls, this is the elimination ceremony." Chris said, "Your safety is represented by these marshmallows. As you can tell, there are only five. Whichever one of you does not get a marshmallow must immediately leave the island via the Helicopter-Of-Shame."

The girls stayed silent.

"And the first marshmallow goes to... Jennifer."

Jennifer smiled and ran up to get her marshmallow.

She plopped it in her mouth and sat back down.

"Alexis."

"Yes." Alexis smiled, exhausted.

She went up to grab her marshmallow and sat back down.

"Rosalie."

"That's what I'm talking about, y'all." Rosalie giggled, grabbing her marshmallow and sitting back down.

"Rose." Chris said.

The worry melted off of Rose's face and she grabbed her marshmallow.

"Feline, Cherry. This is the final marshmallow." Chris said, "Feline, you basically cost your team the challenge by dropping off the pole at the last minute. Cherry, your constant remarks have been driving your team crazy."

Cherry and Feline glanced at each other.

"And the final marshmallow goes to.." Chris began.

Cherry crossed her fingers.

Feline gulped, looking around nervously.

Cherry bit her lip.

Feline looked at the other girls, to see if their faces showed any emotion.

"Feline." Chris said.

The punk rock chick took a deep breath of relief.

Cherry hung her head.

The helicopter came barreling in.

It dropped it's ladder.

"Well, I guess this is it guys. Good luck." Cherry said, "I'm being ironic, by the way."

The girls waved goodbye.

Cherry grabbed the ladder and the helicopter flew away.

"You guys may go back to your shelter." Chris said.

The girls trudged off.

"Well, that makes another exciting installment of Total Drama! Come back next time to see a challenge that will make you hurl with excitement!" Chris announced, signing off.