Survival Guide to: Capture the Flag!

'''The final eleven contestants compete in a game of capture the flag. One contestant is still depressed because of the elimination of his love interest, but often refuses this fact. Meanwhile, one contestant manages to outsmart her love interest, resulting in the win of the challenge. Another contestant rallies for the elimination of his teammate.'''



Plot
"Last time on Total Drama: Battle of the Sexes, We had a little competition to see who could build my statue the fastest! Titus got a sea urchin in his butt, Cherry annoyed her team, and Rosalie was told my Romulus to decide who to vote off. In the end, she convinced her team to drop the dead weight and eliminate Cherry. That was last week, and this is this week. What will I have the contestants go through today? You just have to find out tonight on Total Drama: Battle of the Sexes!"

It was mid-morning, and the contestants were lounging.

"I wonder how long it's going to take before Chris comes out and tortures us again." Feline said.

"Who knows." Titus sighed.

"How long are you going to mope around? Seriously it's been like five weeks." Josiah said.

"Mope about what?" Alexis asked.

"Hey, I've been getting better." Titus said.

"Hardly. You still mope every night, dude." Corey pointed out.

"I do not!" Titus said.

"Yeah you do! And you do it at night so we can't see!" Huck pointed out, holding his duck.

He had that duck with him for a whole week.

"Um, what are we talking about?" Rose asked.

"He still mopes about Kennedy." Corey informed.

"Kennedy was eliminated the second week. It's week six, you have to be kidding me." Jennifer said.

"Shut up! I'm not still moping about that! Who cares?!" Titus asked, in defense.

"You do, apparently." Alexis said.

Titus rolled his eyes.

"When is this challenge going to start?" Rosalie asked, "Seriously, Chris is almost always out by now."

"Revolting Children! Please make your way to the arena, now!" Shouted an unfamiliar voice.

"What." Rosalie said.

"Revolting?" Rose asked, taken a back.

"Who is that?" Corey asked.

"NOW!" The voice rang.

Romulus sneered and got up.

"Well, I guess it's challenge time, guys." Romulus said.

The contestants got up and walked into the forest, following the path to the arena.

The contestants walked down the stairs, staring at the arena's dirt floor.

There stood a short, stout, heavy-set woman.

She was hideous.

"Ugh! What is that?!" Jennifer asked.

"Is that like- a gorilla?" Huck asked.

"I can see her mole from here!" Rose cried.

Josiah and Jennifer Confessional:

Josiah: Well, I mean she wasn't that ugly...

Jennifer: She looked like a money mixed with a walrus.

Josiah: *Snickers*

"Here! Now!" The woman barked.

"Where's Chris?" Feline shouted as they walked down.

"Chris is in New York, hosting the Reality Show Awards!" The woman shouted. "I am his replacement for the next two weeks, Mrs. Crabsmith."

"What about Chef?" Rosalie asked, "Couldn't he just fill in for Chris?"

Chef walked into the arena, holding a platter of drinks.

"Errr... Here are your drinks. Mrs. Crabsmith." He grumbled.

"Chef?!" The contestants asked.

"He's a bit busy... as my slave." Mrs. Crabsmith laughed.

"I already miss Chris." Titus gulped.

"Listen up, freakbags." Crabsmith shouted, "Here is today's challenge. A pretty poor challenge if I do say so myself. You must play a game of capture the flag. The females get the whole southern side of the island, while the males get the northern side. Whichever team manages to get the flag first wins."

"...Well that's easy." Romulus said.

"That is exactly what I thought. Too easy." Crabsmith.

"No, I didn't say too easy, I just said it was-" Romulus began.

"So I've decided to add some substance." Crabsmith laughed. "In order to get the flag, you must wrestle against me."

"But you're like... a bear." Alexis said, immediately covering her mouth.

Crabsmith snapped her head in Alexis' direction and growled.

"Also, you will be given these Dart Guns. You must each hit five living things in this forest. If you don't, your team will not be given food and will be stripped from any luxuries. Like housing." Crabsmith said.

"You can't do that!" Josiah said.

"Yeah, we built those shelters and you have to feed us or else that's like... against union rules!" Rose called.

"Who cares about the union?" Crabsmith laughed. "Now get to it!"

The teams separated.

"I really miss Chris." Jennifer and Corey said at the same time.

"Where are we going to hide this thing?" Feline asked, holding a pink flag.

"Pink isn't very subtle." Rosalie agreed.

"Wait! What about the volcano?" Rose asked, "It's huge and if we put it on the top, they won't be able to get there before one of us notices!"

"Good idea!" Jennifer cheered.

"Okay, Rose and Rosalie. Go to the volcano and hide the flag somewhere where they can't find it."

Rosalie nodded and ran after Rose.

"As for us, we need to find something to shoot." Feline said.

"I dunno. I don't feel good about doing this." Jennifer said.

"They're tranquilizers." Alexis informed, "It'll only put whatever you hit to sleep."

Jennifer nodded, "Maybe we can hit Crabmeat."

Feline smirked.

"I like the way you think." She said.

Jennifer was taken a back.

"No, I was kidding." Jennifer explained.

"It's still a good idea!" Alexis said, "Let's give Crabsmith a taste of her own medicine!"

"Come on!" Feline said, dragging Jennifer along as she and Alexis ran to find Crabsmith.

"Okay, so I put the flag on one of those poles from last week." Corey said, as he ran to the other guys with Huck trailing behind him.

"Great! I'm guessing Josiah stayed behind to guard the flag?" Romulus asked.

Corey nodded.

"Now we just have to find their flag, and find things to shoot." Titus said.

"Why don't we split up and look that way? Whatever gets in our way can get hit." Corey said.

"Didn't Crabmeat say we had to hit something living?" Huck asked.

"Yeah, why?" Romulus asked.

"Well, trees are living. They have cells and junk." Huck said.

"...Wow. That's like the first smart-ish thing I've heard from ya, buddy." Romulus said.

"Ham." Huck agreed, clutching Mr. Plume-Butt.

"QUACK." The duck shouted.

"Agreed." Huck said.

"Alright..." Titus said, "Let's shoot some trees!"

The guys cheered.

And then the four of them ran into the forest, shooting the trees that were in their path.

"Alright! We're all set!" Rose said, "I think we should both stay here and guard."

"Well, okay." Rosalie said, "But wait. We have to shoot things remember?"

"Oh yeah..." Rose sighed.

"What are we going to shoot?" Rosalie asked.

"Nothing small or innocent..." Rose said.

"Maybe lions or bears or something!" Rosalie said.

"Good idea!" Rose said.

"But how are we going to guard the flag and hunt things at the same time?" Rosalie asked.

"Well, we put the flag on the top, right? We can see the top from the outskirts of the forest. All we have to do is keep an eye out." Rose pointed out.

Rosalie nodded, "Then let's go!"

Rose nodded, and ran down the volcano.

Rosalie hiked up her dress and followed.

They reached the outskirts, and saw two interns rushing towards the direction of the arena.

"Maybe we can hit them?" Rosalie asked in a hushed tone.

"... They'll wake up eventually." Rose said, agreeing.

Both girls took aim.

Rosalie shot twice, and only managed to hit one.

Rose shot twice and hit the remaining two interns.

Rosalie looked at Rose in surprise.

'''Rosalie Confessional: That girl is a giant threat. She's great!'''

Rose smiled shyly and shrugged.

"So... About Kennedy." Romulus began.

"There's nothing about Kennedy." Titus said, "I only knew her for two weeks. As if I ever really care about her."

"I think you're lying." Romulus said.

Titus rolled his eyes.

"I think so too." Corey said, "You guys were like best friends."

"Bestest friends." Huck agreed.

"No, Cor." Romulus said, "I think they were more then friends. Or were just starting to be."

Titus groaned.

"Can we stop with this, please?" Titus asked, impatient.

"Why?" Romulus asked.

"Because I'm done caring!" Titus said, "I'm done! Alright?"

"Being done would imply that you cared at one point." Romulus said.

"Maybe I did! But it doesn't matter anymore! She's gone and I'm still here and there's nothing I can do to change that." Titus sighed.

Romulus, Corey, and Huck looked at Titus in surprise at his explosion.

Titus stood there, before shaking his head and running off.

"Wait!" Corey called.

Corey began to chase after Titus, but stopped.

"Romulus, we can't just let him run off!" Corey said.

"Let him cool down." Romulus said.

'''Romulus Confessional: And if he gets mauled by a wild animal, well. Better for me. This is all going according to plan. *Smirks*'''

Corey sighed and shot a tree.

"Five." He sighed.

"You know we have to find a flag, not Crabmeat, right?" Jennifer asked.

"But, if we kind Crabsmith, we won't have to wrestle her to get the flag." Feline pointed out.

"... Good point." Jennifer said.

"It's kind of like a mini-challenge." Alexis agreed.

"There she is!" Jennifer whispered, pointing.

And there she was, Mrs. Crabsmith.

"Don't forget to massage my corns!" She commanded.

She was being carried on a mattress by five interns.

"If we all shoot her at the same time..." Feline began.

"There'll be no way-" Alexis continued.

"That she'd be able to wake up in time to wrestle us!" Jennifer chirped.

"Ready, girls?" Feline asked.

Jennifer and Alexis aimed.

Feline aimed as well.

"One, two..." Feline said.

"Three!" Alexis and Jennifer finished.

All three girls shot their darts.

They all hit Mrs. Crabsmith in the thigh.

"What?!" Mrs. Crabsmith asked, looking down at her thigh.

She immediately passed out.

The three girls cheered.

Feline Confessional: That was very satisfying!

'''Jennifer Confessional: I can't believe it! I fired a dart gun! It was so amazing- it made my heart race!'''

"Let's go find that flag!" Feline said.

The three of them ran off.

Titus was walking just on the outskirts of the forest.

He looked up and that's when he saw it.

The volcano.

And near the mouth of the volcano was a pink flag.

Titus' eyes widened.

At that point he started running for the volcano.

He began to scale it, determined to win.

At that same moment, Rosalie was staring at the volcano.

"Rose! Look! It's Titus!" Rosalie called.

Rose's head snapped and she looked in the direction that Rosalie was pointing in.

"Oh my god!" Rose called, "Hurry! We have to stop him!"

Rosalie and Rose ran at top speeds.

Titus was climbing as fast as he could.

"Hurry!" Rose called.

"I'm trying!" Rosalie yelled.

Rose ran into the clearing in which the volcano was.

"Shoot him, hurry!" Rosalie called.

Titus snapped his head around and saw Rose taking aim.

"Oh crap!" Titus cried.

He scrambled to reach the flag.

'''Titus Confessional: It all came down to this. If I could get that flag before they shot me, I would win the challenge for my team!'''

'''Rose Confessional: I couldn't let him get the flag! It would mean that my team would lose, and if my dart didn't hit him, it would mean I let my team down!'''

He was so close.

Rose took a deep breath and fired.

Only an arm's length away.

Titus reached out to grab the flag.

And then he got a tranquilizer dart in his butt-cheek.

'''Rose Confessional: Good thing I'm a master shot. *Smiles*'''

"Ugh-" Titus said, his eyelids feeling heavy immediately.

He fell backwards, tumbling to the bottom.

"Ooh! Ouch! Yikes!" Rose said, each time she heard Titus hit the volcano.

"Ooooh! That one is going to leave a mark- that will leave a mark." Rosalie said.

"That's five." Rose said, cringing. "Let's go help him."

"No way! We have to get him out of here." Rosalie called.

"Why?" Rose asked.

"Because he knows where our flag is!" Rosalie called.

"And?" Rose asked.

"He'll try to get it again!" Rosalie called.

"Where do you intend to take him?" Rose asked.

"I don't know... in the volcano?" Rosalie pondered.

"Rosalie!" Rose said.

Rosalie looked around and saw a coil of rope on the floor.

"I know! We can tie him up!" Rosalie said.

"What? No way am I doing that! That' s mean!" Rose said.

"You just sent that guy barreling down a volcano!" Rosalie pointed out.

"But that was to secure our victory, not just to tie someone up!" Rose said.

"Fine! Keep a look out, I'll do it!" Rosalie said.

Rose sighed and looked around.

Five minutes later, Titus was tied up.

"Okay, so what have we visited on the southern side of the island?" Feline asked.

"We..." Alexis began.

"Well, those poles! From the last challenge!" Jennifer pointed out.

"That's not that far!" Feline said.

"Let's go!" Alexis said.

The three girls ran.

Ten minutes later, they reached the beginning of the beach.

"Okay. So... Who's going to go get it?" Jennifer asked.

"Who is that?" Alexis asked, looking in the distance.

"That's Josiah!" Jennifer said, almost shouting.

Alexis and Feline covered her mouth.

Josiah had turned his head in their direction.

"Okay, we don't have time for this!" Feline said.

"Come on, me and you can go." Alexis said to Feline.

"Be quiet." Feline said to Jennifer.

Jennifer nodded.

Alexis and Feline nodded at each other and ran out of the forest.

After taking three steps they were shot with tranquilizer darts.

"Yees!" Josiah cheered, "I can't believe I hit them!"

Jennifer meeped.

"How are we going to find their flag?" Huck asked.

"Seriously, where could they have hidden it?" Romulus asked.

"Why don't you ask?" Rang a familiar voice.

The three boys turned to see Rose and Rosalie standing there, their dart guns pointed at Romulus and Corey.

"Whoa!" Romulus said, "Take it easy!"

"I'm really sorry." Rose said, "Seriously. I can't even explain how bad I feel about this."

"Then why not just, not do it?" Corey asked, his hands up in the air.

"Because we want to win." Rosalie said simply.

Romulus held his hands at his sides.

"Listen, we can just talk this out." He said.

"Erm, no. We can't." Rosalie spat.

"Come on, why can't we just-" Romulus began, flashing a brilliant smile, "Talk? Your eyes sure are beautiful."

Rosalie blushed and smiled.

"Well, I guess we can maybe-" Rosalie said, putting her dart gun down.

Right when she did that, Romulus rose his dart gun and shot a tranquilizer at Rosalie.

She was hit in the arm and fell to the floor.

'''Romulus Confessional: I felt terrible doing that to my partner. But I couldn't, for one second, give the impression that I was going easy on her. That would blow our cover.'''

'''Rosalie Confessional: He shot me! We're in an alliance and he just shot me! No hesitation!'''

Rose rose her gun and aimed it at Romulus.

"So not cool!" Rose said.

"Sorry! No hard feelings!" Corey said, pulling his dart gun out and shooting a tranquilizer at Rose.

She fell the floor, fast asleep.

"Alright. Where did they come from?" Romulus asked.

"Help me!" Shouted Titus' voice nearby.

"That sounds like.." Corey began.

"Titus! Keep shouting!" Romulus bellowed.

"Guys! Help!" Titus shouted.

"He might know where the flag is!" Corey said.

"Follow that voice!" Huck shouted.

The three boys ran to find Titus.

Jennifer was still in the forest.

She looked at Josiah, who, in turn, was looking around himself.

'''Jennifer Confessional: It striked a question in me. Would Josiah shoot me with a tranquilizer to win the challenge? Would I double cross Josiah to win? How strong is our relationship to handle this?'''

Jennifer gathered all of her courage and went bounding out of the forest.

"Jen?" Josiah asked.

"Josiah! Josiah!" Jennifer called, her face in her hands.

"Jen?! What's wrong?" Josiah asked, running to her.

"I'm sorry!" Jennifer said.

"Sorry?" Josiah asked, "Sorry for what?"

Jennifer stood there.

"Jen?" Josiah asked.

Jennifer whipped out her dart gun.

Josiah, surprised by this, whipped his out too.

"I don't want to shoot you, Jen." Josiah said, "I love you."

"Aw, I love you too!" Jennifer cooed, "But I have to win this for my team. And you're the only thing standing in the way."

Neither one was standing down.

"Please don't do this." Josiah said.

"I could tell you the same thing." Jennifer said.

Silence.

At last, Josiah put down his dart gun.

"I'm not going to hurt you." Josiah said.

"I'm sorry." Jennifer said, sighing heavily. "But you're making a big mistake."

She shot Josiah with the tranquilizer and he went out like a light.

"The way we went about this." Jennifer said, "You'd think we'd be shooting bullets, not sleeping pills."

She stepped over Josiah and ran into the water, making her way for the pole.

Meanwhile, Corey and Huck were untying Titus.

Romulus was scaling the volcano.

"It's near the mouth!" Titus shouted, still a bit groggy.

"Are you telling me that Rose and Rosalie did this?" Corey asked.

Titus nodded.

"This challenge is just bringing out the worst in people." Corey said.

"Isn't that what Crabsmith wants?" Titus asked, "Rating and Drama. And all of us turning against each other and what not."

Corey shrugged.

"I knew there was a reason I missed Chris." Huck sighed.

"Quack." Mr. Plume-Butt spoke.

"Same." Huck said to the Duck, "Exact Same."

On the other side of the island, Jennifer was scaling the pole.

Her arm was extended, reaching for the blue flag.

She inched a few feet up.

It was so close.

Back at the volcano, Romulus was only an arm's length away from the pink flag.

Reaching the flag could win the game.

In two different places, Jennifer and Romulus could taste victory.

Romulus grabbed the flag just as an announcement rang over the intercom.

"The girls win!" Chef announced.

"Aw man!" Romulus cried.

That afternoon, Romulus sat in the shelter.

Huck, Corey, and Josiah were in there with him.

"What's this about?" Josiah yawned.

"We have to vote out Titus." Romulus said.

"What?" Huck asked.

"Why?" Corey pondered.

"Face it guys." Romulus said, "The guy is one of my closest friends here. And I know that he doesn't like it here. Not without Kennedy."

"Huh?" Josiah asked.

"Last night, he was talking to me. He told me that he hates it here, that Kennedy was his only ray of sunshine, and that without her here, this place is as barren as the rest of the world. He doesn't want to be here anymore, but doesn't want to throw the challenge and risk eliminating anyone who wants to be here."

"So, we'd be doing him a favor?" Corey asked.

Romulus sighed, "Sadly, yes. He belongs with Kennedy."

'''Romulus Confessional: It's amazing how well I can spin a story. Romulus told me nothing of the sort. I just need to eliminate my biggest threat left on the island. And it worked perfectly.'''

Later that night, Mrs. Crabsmith stood in front of the bonfire.

"Listen here, pukebags. You are all losers. You are whiny, pimple-faced teens. And that makes you losers." She spat. "I believe that none of you should be in the competition."

"Well then." Romulus said.

Mrs. Crabsmith straightened up.

"Romulus and Josiah, you are safe for now." Mrs. Crabsmith said.

"Where are the marshmallows?" Josiah asked.

"No marshmallows for you cavity-infested freaks." Mrs. Crabsmith said, stuffing two of those in her mouth.

Romulus rolled his eyes.

"Corey is safe." She sighed.

Corey smiled.

Huck and Titus exchanged glances.

"One of you is a failure at life and should swim back to shore." Mrs. Crabsmith barked.

The helicopter loomed over the bonfire, dropping a ladder.

"But you have to fly." She sighed, "And the one who has to fly is Titus."

Titus sighed, hanging his head.

"I figured it'd be coming." Titus sighed, getting up.

Josiah got up to, giving Titus a fist bump.

"See ya." He sighed.

Titus smirked.

"It's been great competin-" Titus began.

"Titus! Titus, hey!" Rang a familiar female voice.

Titus whipped around, and looked up at the helicopter.

In the helicopter was Kennedy.

"Hiya!" Kennedy chirped.

"Kennedy!" Titus cheered.

"I've missed you!" Kennedy called down.

Titus ran to the rope ladder and began to climb.

"I've missed you too!" He called.

He reached the helicopter and the two of them embraced.

The helicopter began to fly off.

Titus and Kennedy waved goodbye.

The other waved back.

"Now you must all leave." Mrs. Crabsmith shouted.

The boys grumbled and walked off.

"That concludes another episode. Come back. Or don't. I could care less what you vermin think." Mrs. Crabsmith spat.